Game Over
You're going to want to read what I have to say.
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Aug 15, 2026
I'm up 20 lbs from where I'd like to be.
(Luckily it mostly balanced out in all the right places.)
Healing the inside takes approximately 6 weeks - at least that's when you're allowed to do it again.
I've also given myself a 3 month grace period - the fourth trimester.
Babies come out completely incompetent.
They need you for everything.
They can't even hold the weight of their head with their own neck.
AI Overview
A baby horse (foal) can stand up within one hour of birth and can run, trot, and walk within about two hours. By 24 hours of age, healthy foals are typically capable of gallopingFor the first month they are the same as they were inside, just on the outside.
Can you imagine living in water, all of your needs are met perfectly without a care in the world.
The BAM - you breathe in oxygen, see bright lights, loud noises and unfamiliar people who want to touch you.
My strategy is to ease in familiar smells. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, close friends etc. People who will be in the babies life.
But mom is home base -- baby was attached to mom for the last 10 months, feeling and hearing her. Did you know they don't even realize they are a separate being for 6 or 7 months?
The basic needs of a baby starts with CONNECTION -
to me, that means mom is taken care of first, so she can be mentally, emotionally and physically available to her newborn.
She's been a dream baby. Since day one, she's up twice overnight to eat and get her diaper changed. Then falls back asleep, as do we.
My first was different.
I didn't realize I was underproducing and that she was hungry.
So she cried and cried when we tried to get to her sleep.
After about 45 minutes is around the time you need to tap out.
Patience starts to fade and frustration makes its way in.
Who you have a baby with matters - because it's in those small moments that you need them to show up.
David does.
He shares the night routine with me- always has.
The difference now is I know.
I'm proactive this time.
I know from experience what to look for.
I understand her cues and because I am present, I catch them immediately.
When she starts opening her mouth and putting her hand to her face, it means she's hungry.
I don't have her on a schedule - I answer her call.
IF she sleeps past the recommended 2-3 hour feed - I wake her, feed her, then let her go back to sleep.
She doesn't need to cry because I can answer her signal before she has to ask.
And I think it's helping her learn to trust that she can rely on me.
The first week he went back to old habit.
I had a lot of thoughts about it, but I listened to music while cleaning and let them all play out before saying anything.
I talked to my sister first - letting the emotions out.
The next evening, clear headed while laying in bed together - I told him exactly what was bothering me in a direct and to the point way.
He said a few things so I knew he got it, and I showed understanding as to why it was.
The next day - and ever since the conversation - he's shown up differently.
I don't have to keep asking or nagging. He does it himself.
And if old habit slips through, I remind, not lecture.
Most importantly, I encourage.
Whatever I'm wanting is in the best interest of both of us, and our family.
We're not fighting against each other - we are powering through life together, aiming for the same overall vision, while remaining friends who are figuring it out.
. . .
I'm saying that because I've noticed a lot of young families breaking up, and I think in many cases they just couldn't get on the same page --- when maybe --- if they held on a little longer, focused on themselves as individuals, then practiced communication ------------ maybe they could have made it.
A couple days ago we went to the park.
He worked on his computer while I walked laps around the playground.
He text a dad who lives close by, asking if he was available to bring his kids.
The brother showed up and spent the following two hours playing with our daughter.
His parents and little sister came next.
The girls played imagination while he rode around the street.
The local playground is the most foul language place I did not expect.
These kids drop f bombs and we recently got introduced to the word b*tch.
She keeps saying "the word that means wet female dog"
I corrected her the other day:
AI Overview
"Bitch" is a noun and a verb with literal and slang meanings. Literally, it refers to a female canine, such as a dog or wolfShe's like why is that bad?
Which made me have to simplify the meaning of degrading and how the word was being used.
We got home to a flat tire one day to which she said, "that's f*cked up."
She asks first, "can I say a bad word?"
I usually say yes.
We were walking home one day when I told her the bad words are special for her because she's older, but let's not teach them to her little sister.
I tried to tell her not to use them at all - but I knew it's never gonna work when she said,
"I am who I am and you can't change me."
I was like, fair enough.
The other day she yelled off our balcony
"Hurry up you slow pokes!"
As two old people walked past our house.
She was talking to David and our dog who were around the corner.
GAME OVER
I was thinking about life while walking the park.
I see life as a game.
Like your real self (the soul) / HIGHER SELF is playing the game.
You're the avatar.
Only in this game, the avatar has the power to make choices, your higher self only makes moves when the avatar asks for help.
When the avatar gets too off track - the player playing the game (higher self who sees and knows everything) sends signals, people, new ideas and detours to keep on track.
The higher self also communicates direction through feelings.
I thought for a while -- are there any situations where you run out of moves?
Is it possible to get backed into a corner you don't want to be in, with no path out and it's game-over?
I don't think so.
It's not game over, but you can run out of moves.
You got yourself stuck and there's no visible way out.
You can't see how to make it work to get what you want.
This is when we need a friend.
Because friend's bring fresh perspective and new ideas.
They see things you don't.
They look from a different angle and together, there's always another move to play.
ASKING FOR HELP is a skill we should be teaching our children early.
From God, and each other.
I'm terrible at it - ask my family.
And I'm equally as bad at receiving it.
My dad said the other day, "I think you just like the adventure."
He was absolutely correct - I'd just never thought of it that way.
I like learning from my own mistakes.
And I like the process of figuring it out.
Plus I don't like waiting.
So a friend comes along, restores our faith in ourselves and we're back in the game.
I think when it's truly game over - it just means you're done with that avatar.
Your energy returns to your higher self and you look back at your life - how'd it go?
If there is karma to pay - you have to go back another time.
Together with your higher self, you set up the new avatar. This new life is designed to give you the best conditions possible to overcome past life issues.
If you are karma free - all debt paid, made up with those you hurt and healed the wounds that hurt you ---- you get to choose.
Do you wanna go back to space and hang out on another planet?
Remain an angel in the stars offering guidance to loved ones still playing?
Or do it again - with more consciousness, less pain and more fun.
Imagine this time when you go back down, you know what you're doing.
You remember that you are the one who designed the game, you are in tune to the guidance from above and you actively choose your life as you go.
Wouldn't that be fun?
My sister and I had an over-text conversation that did not go well.
That was several months ago.
A couple days before I went into labour, she brought up the conversation.
She explained while I listened.
I responded and she understood.
I heard what she was saying and I shared my point of view.
She told me that she was proud of the work I've put in over the last 6 years.
She said she sees how I caught the way I was showing up and did something about it.
She told me she's witnessed the difference in my relationship with my daughter and how she comes to me.
Inner work is hard. It's emotional and at times turmoil.
It is very often unseen and you are judged throughout while going through the growing pains.
But there's no better feeling than being good with yourself.
At peace.
When you can read your own cues, taking care of yourself before needing to cry for help.
I cared so much to do the inner work I didn't know I needed after having my first - so the lessons could be learned before I brought in a second.
Validation from my sister felt like graduation. I'm ready to let go of the avatar I was,
and create a new one.
In this life.
Because you don't need to die to start over.
May 2023, a mindset guy connected with me through our similarity of studying Bob Proctor.
One of the first lessons I learned from his calls - was that step one is FIND YOUR WHO's.
Find your people.
David and I are in person people - it's how we learned.
He's an online guy - skilled at starting conversations, growing relationships and sales.
I'm a stay at home human. So I thought I'd try it.
I didn't know where to start or what kind of people I was looking for, just wanted to practice.
I was listening to a lot of music at the time, mostly self-producing artists.
I took my subject of interest, music, and gave genuine compliments via Instagram after hearing songs that stood out.
It didn't take long to see how appreciated my compliment was, a lot of artists struggle with self-esteem.
I wasn't looking for any outcome - it just felt good to do.
I did not know at the time that music would become the lesson.
I love writing, I've always thought being an Author would be such a cool career.
I didn't see it as an actual option for me, espeically if I wanted to make money.
But it's my passion - and the feeling it gives me makes it enough.
Music is what I want to share.
Because it's something that's already in most people's lives - they just don't know how powerful it is.
And how it can, and is in many cultures, used for healing.
Healing in a way that is fun.
A place to direct the feelings and feel the emotions.
It's story telling, interesting and the good stuff makes your body move naturally without thought.
It's a positive way to distract ourselves.
Or negative, dependent on what you're listening to.
It connects us --- it's a room full of people who share a major similarity.
People always tells me how much dating sucks.
I know very few who like online dating apps.
I tell them to try Spotify.
My baby's waking up now so I gotta go.
Last thing,
having a baby is not death of the old you.
It's the evolution.
. . .
6 weeks before you can do it again.
Last time I wore baggy clothes and nursing bras to cover up the body I was judging.
This time,
I've been wearing shorts with tank tops and the convenience of no bra to feed our baby easily any time she likes.
He's been home all week, more attentive and touches when I let him.
It's way more fun.
The problem was never that others are judging.
The problems happen when we are judging ourselves.
’Tis a lesson you should heed, If at first you don’t succeed, Try, try again; Then your courage should appear, For if you will persevere, You will conquer, never fear   Try, try again.
-T. H. Palmer
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