Becoming Mom

the blog I keep telling myself I'll write. ❤︎

. . .

🎧 PLAYLIST (s)

The playlist called "🤰🏽🤱🏽" was inspired through request from a friend.

09/12/25

"Hey random, miss queen of playlists do you have a relaxing "birth" playlist you could send my way?"

"Oooo I don't have one but I can make one! 

I'll put something together I would use and send it your way.❤️"

My birth experience with Kaia was honestly overall pleasant.

I woke up to the feeling of contractions and knew it was the day.

We conveniently had a pre-scheduled appointment, and I told him when I walked into the office that I thought I was going into labour.

I sat in the chair across while we talked.

He asked me to lay on the table so he could check, but didn't think I was in labour because we'd been talking for like 20 minutes and I didn't show any pain.

Then looked at me with surprise, "Oh, you're 4 cm dilated."

I'm like, told ya.

. . .

He said to go home and give it time, plus my Doula suggested we stay home as long as possible. We stopped for smoothies on our way.

Several years ago, my mom, sister and I took a belly dancing class that some lady taught in her back yard. I remembered the figure 8 move.

For me, the experience of contractions, felt like intensely "riding a wave."

It started as a cramping sensation in my lower body.

Imagine the wave like a sensation that is noticeable as it comes in, growing in intensity, peaking at the highest pain point, then dissapates into relief.

And then it's gone.

And you're normal.

For however long it last before you feel the next wave coming. 🌊

You know you're getting closer when the space in between gets shorter.

The waves start coming in faster, closer together.

It's the lack of breaks in between that gets tiring.

I don't remember if I thought it or was told, but I knew I had to stay ahead of my breath.

The beginning part of our day felt good. I spent the later half of my morning in the kitchen with my husband, drinking our smoothies while talking about the day to come.

As I felt a contraction coming in, I would pause conversation, find a focus for my vision, then leaned over the counter, moving my hips in the figure 8.

When the wave was done, I resumed as normal.

I smiled most of the morning (except on route to the hospital because sitting was not comfortable.)

I felt grateful walking into the maternity room we were given, which happened to be the corner suite with a big window, filling our space with sunshine.

As suggested by my Doula, we asked for a room with a tub.

She told me I would want to switch positions.

"Stay ahead of your breath."

We got to the hospital at 2pm - checking in at 5cm dilated.

( We're half way there. 🤞🏽🙌🏽 )

The Doula, who's like a feminine energy there to support. Set the stage with affirmations posted around the room, LED candles, crystals and helpful tools like the scarf she used to assist moving my hips later in the evening.

I spent most of the afternoon walking the halls with David. Whenever I felt a wave coming, I would pause and turn towards him, resting my hands on his shoulders as if in a dancing position.

I let myself lean in and put the pressure on him. And when the contraction ended, we'd resume conversation and continue walking as normal.

I set the vibe through playlists I'd created with intention.

I didn't know what kind of mood I'd be in so I made several.

We ended up spending the evening with 00s R&B, mostly Mario.

The room was dimly lit while our Doula moved me from the shower to the tub to the floor.

I remember the room being dark while I lay resting with blankets on the floor.

I was watching the nurse sitting by my speaker. She wasn't talking or doing anything, just sitting.

She said we didn't need her but she was staying for the music.

11pm was when the doctor walked into our room for the first time.

They turned on the lights and he asked me to lay on the bed.

He said I was 6cm dilated.

😐

That's it?!

Then he broke my water.

_____

Apparently, what it is, is like a water balloon between the baby's head and your pelvis. So after it breaks the cushiony barrier is gone.

That's when I lost control of my breath.

Something about the position of laying on the bed was so much more painful.

And I couldn't get ahead of my breath.

I tried standing up but it was too late, I'd already lost control.

I felt discouraged by the "lack of progress"

So I asked for an epidural.

Which, for me at that point, was the best decision.

Yes it's a big scary looking needle - but after experiencing contractions, I didn't feel a thing.

I did however find incredible super strength.

When there is physical pain in the body, like a contraction, movement is automatic.

Yet when he sticks that needle in your back, you gotta stay super still - because there are risks.

The second he put it in I felt the wave start.

I focused evey ounce of energy within me on staying still - patiently waiting for it to be done.

And then I felt relief.

I was instantly irritated that I could still feel.

The nurses moved me to the bed and 10 minutes later I asked him to up the dose.

We thought it was going to be a long night ahead of us, the plan was to get some sleep. So he turned it up a couple notches for me.

I was talking to the nurses, feeling my smile return and even cracked a joke.

That's when I realized I wasn't feeling any pain.

They confirmed I was indeed still having contractions, yet didn't feel a thing.

The doctor came back around 1am, which was when he informed me I was 10cm.

(That means its go time.)

He called in the team and prepared to deliver.

Luckily, that's about the time David strolled back in with a McDonald's bag in hand, which honestly I love about him.

The doctor positioned himself while David and the Doula stood close to my head.

He said to tell him when I'm ready to push and I was like,

Bro I can't feel a thing. You're gonna have to tell me.

Then he guided me through.

The downside to an epidural is that because of the numbness, it's hard to assist. The body's contraction and its natural wave - is the flow. Ideally we follow our natural rhythm and stay in flow.

Her heart rate started rising and he wanted to speed the process, suggesting forceps.

(A salad-tong shaped tool they use to help pull the baby from the outside.)

And after describing every risk I do not want to happen,

I asked, if I could just try to keep pushing while he got set up.

He said yes.

I have never focused so hard in my life - I gave every ounce of phsyical force I had in me.

When he checked back he said I got her far enough that the vacuum could be used instead (which is like a suction cup to their head and seemed way less invasive).

I was like yeah sure, that's better.

And she was out within two pushes.

I don't think there is anything more miraculous than being handed a tiny human that just came out of your body.

It's a feeling you can't describe.

I just remeber laying with her head in on my chest, they turned the lights back out and I felt like I could stay forever.

After about an hour or so, my husband removed his shirt, took our baby in his arms and rested with her on his chest, where I'm sure he felt he could stay forever.

Meanwhile, the Doula helped me shower.

I remember looking in the mirror for the first time, surpised how much my belly had deflated.

It felt like relief from a fear.

I started wearing silk pajamas while pregnant because it was easier to slide out of bed.

I'd packed my comfiest ones plus slippers - providing myself with the feeling of home.

And then our new life began.

. . .

09/18/25

"Ps I already love the playlist, thank you. I listened to it in between errands and it gave me chills with all the good vibes, sentimental 00's. Thank you. 😘😘"

10/04/25
"How ya doooooiiiiiinnnnnn?

"Little Man Came 💙💙

He came this morning at 5:30am at 7lbs at home. Everyone is happy and healthy. 🙂

I woke up at 5, and he was born by 5:30 😅"

. . .

I met my first mentor Kristal when I was 25 years old. She brought me alongside her and invited me into rooms I didn't know existed.

I started networking with other women - women who were supportive and wanted to help.

It expanded my mind of who we are and what we are capable.

---

I've been studying a method of leaning on music as a tool for both self-therapy and self-coaching.

I spoke about it on this podcast.

---

The Little Soul and the Sun

written by Neale Donald Walsch

👆🏽 This is one of my favourite books that I think everyone should read.

this is my favourite song 👆🏽