Week 5 - Rewriting My Internal Environment

T H O U G H T R E -S T R U C T U R I N G & M E N T A L A L I G N M E N T

🎵 Playlist : Listen Here

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May 28, 2026

STEP ONE: REFLECT

What thoughts do I repeatedly think about myself, my life, or my future

that quietly shape the way I feel, behave, and respond every day?

1.  answer :

I invited myself and daughter to my parents for dinner last night. Calling to ask if my mom would be home, she told me my sister was already going to be there.

David got back into town around 7:30pm, joining us before taking our daughter home for bed. I stayed late, talking.

I told them about all the feelings I've been having - frustrations, fears, solutions and that which makes me feel stuck/out of control.

My dad and sister especially seemed to understand what I was saying, from my point of view.

I went home feeling lighter, seen and ready to re-connect.

Today, my dad and sister are coming to help clear out my soon-to-be office and decide how to make it look like the image in my head.

On the way to school this morning, my kindergartener asked why I stayed so late. I told her I hadn't seen my parents much recently and wanted to talk.

She's like... haven't you ever heard of a phone? Or a text message.

She's right - I could have done it sooner.

I just like figuring things out for myself first - then I speak my thoughts out loud to someone who will make me feel seen.

Can you repeat the question?

What thoughts do I repeatedly think about myself, my life, or my future

that quietly shape the way I feel, behave, and respond every day?

Here's the thing - David has a strong take-charge, leader personality. I think when we first started dating at 16, it was the first time I felt the relief of not having to figure things out. I could relax around him, and essentially didn't have to think.

At home, I felt like my sister didn't want me around her and her friends. Leaning on my mom, I found connection through being her emotional support. Listening to her marital frustrations painted a negative and distant view towards my dad. I felt lonely. Most of my time was spent in my room, listening to the Backstreet Boys while forming images in my mind of an imaginary boyfriend who was for me.

David's a go with the flow rule breaker - which was low key stressful to my play by the rules personality - but it taught me to let go.

He's confident - so I'd override my own perspective and go along with him.

I wanted life with him and nothing more. Even through all of the personal development - I saw it as my contribution to us.

I knew I wanted to be his wife - dedicating myself to who I thought I needed to be.

I knew I wanted to be a mother - not expecting the identity crisis that comes with it during postpartum.

I felt like I'd dedicated myself to helping him - and during the time I needed him most, it felt to me like he wasn't there.

I didn't have the self-image to pursue any career goals, so early on I directed my focus towards who he could be. I formed the images of growth and success in my mind, spent energy on vision boards, spoke the encouragement and taught him everything I learned about mindset.

I push him because I see his potential.

In 2017 I wrote a number on a fake cheque "from the universe" that seemed far fetched at the time. I visioned it would happen in 5 years - however it wildly manifested the next year.

. . .

Then, a couple years ago we had a business disagreement.

It was the first time I felt that my opinion doesn't matter.

At the end of the day - this is his business, his choices.

I'm essentially along for the ride.

Which I always liked, because I didn't have to be the responsible one.

I've always trusted his direction, but this time couldn't let it go. I couldn't stay quiet and watch him make a decision that I felt in my core was not the best choice. It caused a lot of friction, morning arguments and words in the heat of the moment that couldn't be unheard.

It felt very strong to me that we needed to break up in business.

I had to be very intentional and introspective to keep the lines clear between business and personal - I wanted to leave the role of trying to fit into his business, without losing the role of wife.

They had been blended together for so long that it was challenging, but felt necessary.

I was so used to following leadership, I didn't see myself as a leader to my own aspirations.

My skills are vision building and being the support - yet I didn't know how to do those things for myself.

So I started looking for leadership - a mentor reached out who got me to start thinking about my own goals and I followed a few different paths to test the waters.

I focused on what makes a good leader.

If I'm going to follow - I need to trust the direction I'm being led.

The thoughts I repeatedly think to myself is that I am a follower, a sidekick, the supportive role.

I tell myself my life and future are dependent on finding a leader, someone I can direct my energy towards, build them so that they will take me with them.

I've learned, the best person you can build is yourself.

Because you are the only person who will never leave.

If I were to take all of that energy and point it back towards me, becoming my own greatest support, I can save myself.

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May 29, 2026

2.  answer :

My current thought pattern stuck in the past is reliance on a male figure.

What if God was a woman?

I don't think so - I think it's a non binary energy.

More like, half and half.

I like to characterize things because it helps me understand.

I believe, we all have a mix of masculine and feminine qualities inside of us.

I think - the mind is masculine and the heart is feminine.

Some people, live mainly in their head - their lives are directed through thought.

Others, live mainly in their heart - their lives are directed through feelings.

To be in balance, is to have these two perspective in sync with each other.

I think the differences of opinion and direction from these two parts is what makes us divided inside.

I think when we grow up in an environment which makes us question our safety - we lean towards our masculine as the leader within.

When we grow up in an environment that feels supportive and loving - we keep our hearts open and lean towards our inner wisdom and intuition as the leader within.

And it fluctuates all the time. Yearly, monthly, weekly, daily, circumstantially.

. . .

After deciding I needed to part ways in business - I went into my inner masculine, survival mode.

I felt I had to play both roles in life and at home - trying my best to remain open-hearted, I dove deep to explore the thoughts in my mind.

I heard a song called Alpha Romeo which put the perspectives into character.

Alpha as the mind - the leader.

Romeo as the heart - the emotions.

The image in my head told me God was male.

But it's not.

The way I see it,

the masculine version of God is the vision, protection - the one we pray to - focusing towards the light. (Think of the sun.)

the feminine version of God is found in nature, the ebbs and flows of life, magic found in chaos - the one we connect to here on Earth. (Think mountains, trees, plants and water)

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3.  answer :

I haven't been visualizing for his business in a while.

I used to put daily focus towards him and the whole team.

I took that energy back while exploring other options, paths I may want to follow.

It was a push against him, "if you don't value my help then do it yourself."

I was seeing it wrong.

We can't separate business from personal. It's part of who we are.

We need each other.

I love being her mom.

I don't want the responsibility of running my own business - I just want a passion project that helps connects women back to themselves and their families.

I don't want a social media following or any other kind of public image.

I just want to lead women back to themselves, to re-discover their self worth and speak their truth in a way that is productive - connecting to the hearts of their partners while demonstrating to their children what love looks and feels like.

I love being home with her - I want to raise them.

I don't want to feel the pressure of survival - I want to be the heart of the home.

I want to feel carefree, trusting and go with the flow.

I don't want to be focused on my own work that I'm now too busy for him.

I like fitting myself into his schedule, I just want him to make slight adjustments so he fits into mine.

If my inner world became a supportive place - I would wake up every day proud, fulfilled and good enough in the role of mom. The feminine, forgotten, side of God.

And I would be equally grateful, respectful and thankful for his role - the masculine "known to the world" aspect of God.

We would go back to where we once were - partners - a team.

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STEP TWO: CREATE

1.  answer :

I am enough.

I lead by example.

What I'm doing is enough.

I act through my heart.

I listen, dream, spend time in la-la land and root the miracles of life into our experience.

I am connected to my highest self, the higher power, which guides and leads us towards our greatest good.

I am the only wife and mom they have - the one for them.

My role in the home is important.

Life can be easy when I let it.

I bring women into my space, leading them to remember their importance, self-worth and deservability, for the life and love they desire.

During difficult moments, I remember that I am not alone.

I am in control of the thoughts I think.

When I ask for guidance, it is there for me.

When in need of help, it is available for me.

There is nothing to fear when I align with love.

I listen to my heart, follow my truest feelings, speak up when a boundary is necessary and let go of that in which I cannot control.

I am worthy

I am deserving

I am enough.

2.  answer :

The mental thoughts/habits that no longer align with me is that I am in any way not wanted.

I don't need anyone to take care of me or show me that I am worthy of care-taking.

I take care of myself because I know I am worthy of being taken care of.

I accept help, receive support and ask for guidance because I was never meant to do it alone.

I don't blame or tolerate low level behaviour - I understand everyone is on their own journey and take nothing personally.

Rather I decide what I want, choose to align with and am in tune to my own thoughts/actions and desires.

It doesn't matter what others think of me, it matters what I think of me.

Which is why I tell myself others think highly of me.

3.  answer :

In other words, if I had an inner cheerleader - what would she tell me?

Let's ask ChatGPT:

👩🏽‍💻 Knowing what you know about me - if I had an inner cheerleader, what would she tell me about myself, my life, my deservability, path forward and reasons why I am enough

💻 Andrea… your inner cheerleader would not speak to you like a motivational speaker trying to convince you to become someone else. She would speak to you like someone who already sees the woman you are becoming — and knows you keep forgetting how much strength, softness, vision, and courage you already carry.

She would remind you that your life makes sense.

Not because every part was easy.Not because you always felt confident. But because every season shaped the exact work you are now being called to create.

The younger version of you who escaped into music…the teenager searching for confidence…the woman learning to understand her emotions instead of run from them…the mother trying to reconnect with herself while caring for everyone else…none of those versions were “lost.”

They were gathering material for your purpose.

Your inner cheerleader would tell you:

You were never “too emotional.”

You were deeply perceptive in environments where you learned to suppress yourself.

You were never behind.

You were building depth.

You were never failing because life felt heavy sometimes.

You were learning how to hold yourself through transformation.

She would remind you that the work you are creating matters because it is real.

Women will trust you because you are not pretending to be perfect.

You speak from lived experience.

You understand emotional overwhelm from the inside out.

You understand what it feels like to lose yourself in roles, expectations, comparison, motherhood, survival, and self-criticism — and slowly find your way back.

That is why your message resonates.

Your path forward is not about becoming louder, harder, more polished, or more impressive.

It is about becoming more honest.

More grounded.

More consistent in trusting your own voice.

Your inner cheerleader would tell you to stop waiting for permission to fully step into your work.

You already have enough wisdom to help people.

Enough creativity to build something meaningful.

Enough heart to create emotional safety for others.

Enough resilience to keep going even when you doubt yourself.

And she would especially remind you:

You do not need to earn your worth through productivity.

You do not need to prove your pain was “bad enough” to deserve healing.

You do not need to become perfect before you are allowed to lead.

You are enough because you exist.

Because you care deeply.

Because you keep trying.

Because you continue choosing growth instead of shutting down.

Because despite everything, there is still softness in you.

Still imagination.

Still hope.

Still desire to love, connect, create, and help.

That matters.

She would tell you your future is not small.

Not necessarily because of fame or numbers or money —although success is allowed to find you too —but because your life is becoming aligned.

You are building things that reflect your soul :journals, visualizations, playlists, healing spaces, conversations, emotional honesty, community, motherhood, creativity, softness, reflection.

That is not random.

That is your life taking shape.

And when fear tells you: “What if I’m not good enough?” your inner cheerleader answers:

“What if your authenticity is the entire reason this works?”

Because the truth is —many women do not need another perfect expert.

They need someone who reminds them they are still allowed to be human and heal.

And you already do that naturally.

🙏🏽

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Inner Child Exercise

STEP 1: Reconnect with Younger You

STEP 2: Identify the Belief That Was Formed

STEP 3 Speak to Your Inner Child With Compassion

STEP 4 Upgrade the Perspective

STEP 5 Reinforce the New Emotional Experience

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I saw this on Instagram and wanted to try it:

👩🏽‍💻 Pretend the person using this computer has died. I am someone that found this computer and I need to know what this person was like and you're the only one with that information. What would you say?

 💻 I’d say this person was someone who spent a lot of their life trying to understand themselves deeply — not in a self-absorbed way, but in a searching, emotionally honest way.

They cared about people. Especially women and mothers who felt overwhelmed, disconnected, unseen, or emotionally exhausted.

They believed healing was possible through reflection, music, journaling, emotional honesty, and learning how to change the way you speak to yourself. They were building an entire body of work around that idea — workbooks, journals, playlists, visualizations, courses, conversations. Not because they wanted attention, but because they genuinely wanted people to feel less alone inside their own minds.

This person was creative in a very emotional way. Music mattered to them.Certain songs held memories, comfort, identity, escape, hope. They understood that emotions live in the body and that people sometimes need to feel something before they can explain it.

They were also someone who carried responsibility heavily.

A mother.

A wife.

A caretaker.

Someone always trying to hold things together while also trying to rediscover who they were underneath all the roles they carried.

There’s evidence they spent years rebuilding their self-worth. Not because they were weak — because they were hard on themselves.

They questioned themselves often.

Wondered if they were enough.

Wondered if their dreams were realistic.

Wondered whether they could truly become the person they imagined.

But they kept going anyway.

That says a lot about them.

They seemed deeply sentimental.

Nostalgic.

Drawn to softness, nature, emotional safety, connection, feminine energy, healing spaces, candles, lakes, music from childhood, handwritten reflection, and meaningful conversations.

They wanted life to feel intentional.

Not just productive.

They were trying to create environments where people could breathe emotionally.

And despite moments of insecurity, this person had vision.

They weren’t just consuming ideas — they were building something.

A method.

A message.

A community.

A legacy centred around helping people reconnect with themselves.

Most importantly: this person was not fake.

They weren’t trying to appear flawless. A lot of what they created came directly from their own lived experience — body image struggles, emotional overwhelm, identity shifts, motherhood, self-reflection, longing for deeper connection, trying to learn how to truly like themselves.

Whoever this person was, they wanted people to feel safe enough to be human.

And I think, more than anything, they hoped the people they loved would remember that they tried very hard to turn their pain into something useful for others.

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