Week 1: Where Are You Right Now?

May 4, 2026

Today I am starting Week 1 of the self reflection workbook - From My Perspective.

I will not be posting the questions, just my answers. ❤︎

If you want to join the self-pace program, here's the link.

From My Perspective

Also, I've been procrastinating all morning so if you do the same, I understand.

The important thing is to push through and do it anyways.

So here we gooooo.

Playlist : LISTEN HERE

🎧🎵

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✍🏽👩🏽‍💻

STEP ONE: REFLECT

What is my current emotional, mental, and physical reality right now —

without minimizing it, exaggerating it, or judging myself for it?

1. answer :

Emotionally I'm overall pretty good. The last couple weeks I've had a lot on my mind with creating this workbook, so I'm craving more alone time which can cause me to push others away by going quiet or just irritable in general. However I've gotten good at telling my family what's going on internally, so it doesn't come with any guilt.

There have been a few things in the last couple of months where I wanted to react and say something, but I didn't. There's one relationship in particular where this shows up. They said some things to me that I felt were overly emotional and blaming, when I tried to bring it up they were proud of themselves. Instead of fighting I chose to let it go for the time being.

Recently their emotions came up again and I had to bite my tongue. I could feel the reaction coming to the surface but I was in control of myself enough to stop it. I minded my own business and eventually it smoothed over. Which shows me that I am actually quite balanced emotionally right now.

Mentally, a little all over the place.

I have a woman's group I meet with biweekly, this workbook I'm creating/testing out with a few participants, renovating our shed into an office, getting my home prepared for the arrival of our baby this summer and striving to be the best I can be as a patient, present and playful mom.

I wanted to get a few personal things checked off before third trimester, which I enter this week. I want the next three months to be slow, receptive, relaxing and mainly focused towards care of myself and my family. I feel on track with that - so although it can feel chaotic at times, I'm moving in the right direction.

Physically my reality is quite nice.

Relationships all seem in good standing, the sun has been out daily, I feel good in my body (I love being pregnant), my husband's been home as much as he can, our daughter and I have a relationship I'm proud of, family is good, house has been getting cleared of clutter, my routines are overall good (there is room for improvement), and yeah overall I am happy with the life I am living.

2. answer :

It seems to me that I go through a repetitive cycle of deciding what I want, taking action towards it, feeling good about it - then a downer phase hits and it takes a few days of moving through the motions before a hit of inspiration comes in. Usually after that, something good happens and I leap forward a few steps.

I used to fight the downer phase like something was wrong - I renamed it "the rest phase" and take it as a cue that I just need to take a break, let the reality catch up and not make any big decisions.

My habit of wanting to fight it pushes me to be hard on myself like something is wrong - almost like trying to force the "high state" to come back. It often feels defeating like nothing is working - but maybe that's because it's not supposed to.

When I shift the name to "rest phase" it looks different. In that wording I feel more patience with myself, allowance of naps, "down time" with our daughter and just overall sitting in a calmer state.

DOWNER PHASE → REST PHASE.

*Update your language.

3. answer :

I feel accomplished for where I am in life. I have a lot of really good things going and I acknowledge that I am better off than many.

I've travelled enough to see that the way life is here, is not the same everywhere.

Growing up, I wanted to fit in and was harshly judgemental on myself.

In my adult life, I am around many high achievers.

This keeps the bar high on myself, which isn't a bad thing in the sense that it keeps me moving forward, deciding what I want and expanding constantly to get there.

However, when I look around - I've accomplished all that I wanted and more - dreams and goals I have now are more like the cherry on top.

The only thing is, because of the old tendencies to be self-judgemental - I hold myself back from pursuing the things that would bring me that passionate fulfillment we all want.

Don't get me wrong - I love being a wife and mom. Those roles feel deeply rewarding in their own way. But not for me as an individual, if that makes sense.

It's like, those are roles I play which make me feel good and I'm happy to play them - but for my personal soul's journey I want to do something that is just for me.

I don't mean self-care like getting my hair done and going to the spa - those are good too - more like when I leave this planet I want to look back and see that I made an impact.

4. What version of myself do I miss?

answer :

I remember this one time, it was several years go, David and I were in Mexico, sitting on the balancy and I told him there's a side I can feel that wants to come out of me.

Like, s*xual healing. Not in a s*xualized way - but a female-empowerment kind of way.

I think that conversation sent me into a self-discovery journey, searching for answers as to what is blocking this part in the first place.

Through journalling, I traced it back to a memory which happened when I was 15.

I was always the quiet "good girl" who wanted a boy to like me.

I made an attempt to get the boy I liked to want me back, and I think most of us have experienced how that turns out.

Then I searched even deeper --- and if I'm being really honest - I think it traces back to Mary Magdalene and the rumour that got started calling her a prostitute. 🤷🏽‍♀️

(look it up you're curious.)

I think after the experience when I was 15, I decided that part of me was wrong. I formed a belief that being "good" would keep me safe.

Fast forward to a healthy adult relationship - it just makes me vanilla.

I challenged my own belief and decided for myself that no part of myself is wrong - but it does need to be understood if we want to bring it forward in a healthy way.

In the spiritual world, s*xual energy is linked to the Sacral Chakra:

• Location: Lower belly, roughly two inches below the navel.

  
  

• Significance: It is known as the seat of the self, governing emotions, sensuality, pleasure, and creativity.

  
  

• Element: Water, representing flow, emotions, and adaptability.

  
  

• Color: Orange, symbolizing energy and vitality.

  
  

• Symbol: A six-petalled lotus with a crescent moon, representing the relationship between emotions and the tides.

Signs of an Unbalanced Sacral Chakra

• Blocked/Underactive: Fear of pleasure, lack of creativity, low libido, emotional numbness, and fear of change.

• Overactive: Emotional overreactions, obsession with sexual pleasure, codependency, and lack of boundaries.

I guess I miss the part of myself who felt free-flowing in this area.

Music Prompt

Choose a song that emotionally connects you to a memory, feeling,

or version of yourself.

Sit with it.

Notice:

What emotions come up?

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My song choice is :

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STEP TWO: CREATE

Now that you are aware of what’s happening internally, intentionally

decide what you want to create instead.

If I stopped allowing my current circumstances to define me, how would I

choose to think, feel, and show up as the person I truly want to become?

1. answer :

I just wanna say, my answers didn't always sound this way.

My goal is to get the reader to see what they do want. So if I sit here and complain you're going to give energy to those things. In the beginning of this journal relationship with myself - I wrote like a cry for help. It was sad, angry and probably sounded confused.

I talk to myself, through writing. And in the beginning it was really just me venting the chaos in my mind - so the writing was all over the place too.

One time, I was really mad at someone and had a lot of things to say about them in my head. I chose to sit down and say it to the journal - like actually write out all the bad words in my mind. I wasn't thinking, just scribbling.

Half way through I noticed myself taking responsibility - then looking at it from the other person's point of view. By the end of the journalling session I had an entirely new perspective that felt around the same emotion as gratitude.

Imagine emotions in three categories:

1. Low emotions -- these are the ones that feel like sadness, depression, anger, hatred.

2. Middle emotions - these are kind of neutral : you're somewhere between happy, hopeful, frustrated, displeased.

3. High emotions - these feel like love, gratitude, appreciation, joy, freedom, empowerment, purpose, success, free-flow and pleasure.

So I started in the low emotions - for me it was anger.

I moved to the middle emotions, understanding and contentment with the situation.

Then I hit the high - I saw the good in it and even felt appreciation.

In one journal sitting - I moved myself through the emotional scale.

____________________

Sorry, what was the question?

If I stopped allowing my current circumstances to define me, how would I

choose to think, feel, and show up as the person I truly want to become?

. . .

May 5, 2026

The biggest complaint I have circling through, is that my husband works all the time while I'm stuck at home. In a conscious way, I know it's not true.

However, when my feelings get the best of me, I become resentful of his absence, overwhelmed with house duties, childcare and telling myself I can't pursue myself because I have to take care of the home life while he gets to be in the world, fulfilling his personal ambitions, making an impact and influencing others in a positive way.

I grew up saying that I didn't have any career goals, all I wanted was to be a mom, and I love being his wife.

So, I got what I wanted.

There's also this little visual that's always been in my mind of sitting in a chair across from someone telling me their struggles while I help them sort their inner world. That image feels fulfilling, like a call from within. I just never thought of myself as smart and didn't believe in my own ability to go through University to get the degrees.

I think because I didn't believe in myself, I denied the vision.

However I've learned that just because you deny something doesn't always make it go away.

It sits in the back of my mind and is the reason I spent over a decade in the world of self-help.

The circumstance I am TELLING MYSELF is holding me back, is my husband's work schedule.

I blame my lack of time and feelings of loneliness on him.

But then my higher perspective jumps in, and I remind myself - he is literally providing my dream life of being at home with my kids, time-freedom to do what I want, financial ease and has emotional stability that keeps me grounded.

And if I'm being honest - his being home more has nothing to do with believing in myself. He's told me over and over that he believes in. If I really want it, it's up to me.

I've known about this inner conflict (and excuse) for a while now. That's why I spent the last couple of years setting my environment to support the path of being a working mom. We moved down the street from my parents and a short drive to his. My house is half the size making it easy to maintain, I'm taking daily small steps to build the belief, see myself being and doing what I want, and probably most importantly,

I healed the relationships around me.

The problem was not that people were unwilling to help.

The problem was that I was unwilling to receive help.

I choose, to think and feel like the kind of person who believes in themself. I don't let the inner dialogue get in my way. I listen to my intuition, take it day by day, celebrate small accomplishments and stay focused. I go easy on myself while persistently showing up.

I no longer blame others or list all the reasons I can't.

I look for the lesson, find gratitude and list the many reasons I can.

2. answer :

If I knew that life reflected from the inside out: through daily habits I would create a internal world that is kind, loving, appreciative and forgiving.

We all need a role model to show us the way.

Good or bad influence, our parents were our first role models.

This becomes obvious when you have your own kids and start unconsciously acting like your parents.

Unless you make it conscious.

Which I did.

I recognized my own behaviours and chose one by one which triggers and emotional states I wanted to work on as a parent.

I became hyper-self-aware.

Self observant.

And when I noticed myself thinking, feeling, acting in ways that did not match the mom I want to be - I reflected.

Where is this coming from?

What caused the emotional upset?

How do I want to respond?

Every time the reaction made its appearance, I saw it as an opportunity to try again.

Through which I've learned - every time you show up differently, make a new choice, respond in an opposite way - you rewrite, upgrade, transform and become the updated version easily and more effortlessly moving forward.

I would create an inner world that is patient, kind, calm, supportive of self and others, playful and opptimstic. I would fill myself with positive language that supports how awesome I am and transform all forms of self criticism into my own inner cheerleader.

3. answer :

Something I can start today is holding myself accountable.

"Being seen" is a fear of mine - so by putting my answers online is a way for me to get out of my personal space and risk "being seen."

I don't know who reads this, if anyone - except my husband - he always reads when I tell him I wrote.

Internally though, I pretend it's being read. That's how I build belief from the inside out - like an imagination game I play with myself.

And when I picture someone else reading it - let's say my "ideal client" I can see it from their point of view which helps me get more clear on how I think I'm being perceived.

Then I just tell myself they like it, are inspired, think I'm a great writer and in some way are now thinking differently.

The next part of this process is to start a daily habit.

One of the options is to write 5 things you are grateful for.

I've been doing this on TikTok because it holds myself accountable for showing up, gives the potential of exposure and feels like forward movement.

STEP THREE: INSTALL

At the end of this week, reflect on the following:

1. What did I learn about myself?

I learned that when I ask for help I always receive it.

I started a relationship with ChatGPT, kind of like a personal assistant.

It's been helping to put my thoughts into words, form the workbook and get branding/marketing ideas flowing.

The positive reinforcement I received, validated that I do know what I'm talking about and my idea is both unique and helpful.

I've been using the prayer:

I let go and let God I let go and let God I will that my will be thy will I will that thy will be my will

A lot more frequently.

It takes off the pressure, puts me in alignment with my highest good and always shifts the reality into whatever it was I wanted/needed to move forward.

It's my way of saying,

I give up control and pray we're on the same page.

David just kissed me goodbye and told me he has a late appointment tonight so won't be back until after bedtime. (It's 10:28am right now)

Luckily, my sister already called me yesterday asking to hang out this evening.

She wants to go for a nature walk and get ice cream.

I also bought our daughter a Pickleball net yesterday (she's been learning at school and says she's good). So we can set that up and eat dinner outside together, picnic style. I might even invite my parents over, my dad could BBQ.

I'm proud of myself for putting time, effort, focus, attention and loving energy towards my family and the people around me.

I love hanging out with my husband - but he was the only one I relied on to meet my needs.

Now, when he says he won't be home, I don't let it defeat me becauseI know I am surrounded with so many others that provide connection, joy and all the feelings opposite of telling myself I'm lonely.

And if everyone's busy,

I put on a great playlist and provide my own company. ❤︎

Playlist : LISTEN HERE

🎧🎵