Do you believe in love?
- 2 days ago
- 15 min read
"I don't always practice what I preach, but one thing that I do think is really helpful with affirmations, is I really like doing mirror work, so getting comfortable with your reflection. Saying them in front of the mirror. I more so don't really… I don't know that I say affirmations in front of the mirror, I'll more so, like…put on, like, motivating music and dance in front of the mirror, but the point is still that I am… I don't know, I do a lot of mirror work, where I've gotten myself to be more comfortable with my own reflection, and I think that helps with just working with yourself. These are things that you're doing for yourself. You don't have another person standing there doing it with you, so the more I can get comfortable with my own reflection, whether that's through journaling or..
Karen: Is that why your Instagram's always in the mirror?
Andrea: It is.
Karen: Yeah, okay.
Congrats! I get it now.
Andrea:
Intentional! It's branding.
Because that's the practice that I like to teach, because, I mean, most of us, like, the majority of people, can't go stand in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and say, I love you, it's like, whoa.
I am very comfortable with journaling, that's my main practice. To me, journaling and then mirror work is kind of, you know, it's all about your self-reflection, right? So, I do find the more comfortable I can get with my own reflection, all of this stuff that we're talking about, I find, gets a lot more deeper, ingrained."
Playlist : Listen Here. 🎧🎵
03/02/26
My cousin and I added structure to our bi-weekly group calls and today was our "restart."
I think it went great.
My mentor runs bi-weekly calls for a group of us that share common interest, we're all enrolled in the Bob Proctor Legacy course.
I've learned soooo much through watching his method. He runs group calls for my husband's Real Estate business aswell. The feedback has been exactly what I expected, amazing.
I haven't gotten past the first lesson because I'm stumped at desire. I reallllllyyy want to set clear goals and take action on them. That's why I'm being so precise with the details - I want to commit to what I really want.
In today's lesson we learned about the root chakra, when it's out of whack and what you can do to re-balance it.
Amanda's mind teaches from a scientific perspective.
Karen connects us to the beyond.
I think I bring in a practical point of view.
We all speak from personal experience.
These are the self reflection questions from our first homework assignment:
When do I feel most safe and grounded? What triggers fear or instability for me? How connected do I feel to my body? What does home and belonging mean to me? What survival or financial fears am I holding? Where do I need more structure or routine? What helps me feel supported? What would deeper trust in life look like? How can I care for my physical needs better?
And I realized why I can't move onto the next step... I didn't finish my method. :)
STEP THREE: Install
I heard a song recently that used the word ironic. That's how I realized I used it incorrectly on my last post. I meant to say, coincidentally, which has a totally different meaning.
A couple women in the group are wanting to open themselves to relationship. They have been hurt in the past and have stopped allowing themselves to dream.
They've adopted the belief that in some way, shape or form, it can't happen for them.
It's unavailable.
That's one of the three core beliefs blocking us that I learned through Marisa Peer.
The other two beliefs standing between us and the things we want are:
I am not enough.
I'm different, therefore I can't connect.
What is my heart's desire?
Motherhood. I'm so grateful to be through the dark cloud of infertility and on the other side. I'm sitting in bed while writing this and 3 times now I think I felt the baby. I can't wait until that feeling comes in consistently - it's my favourite part.
As someone who likes to spend a decent amount of time alone, it was an adjustment to have a person who is totally dependent on you and never leaves, move into our home. There's so much more to think about and the smallest of tasks take so much more effort. I don't know if I had post-partum depression, but I definetly struggled. I've done a lot of healing work since then and it matters a lot to me that I show up differently, as the mother I've become. Which was taught entirely through the experience I gained with my first.
I have had a lot of dreams, none that I put into action long enough to accept an income - lots of volunteer work though. My friend told me she would let me practice hypnotherapy on her as I need a refresher. She said she wouldn't do it unless I let her pay me, because receiving is what I actually need to practice.
By mid summer I want to be well into a steady routine. I refuse to let motherhood overwhelm me this time and I'm working on smoothing out any triggers still hanging around. I want to feel capable, connected and well balanced before baby arrives. That means lots of time with our daughter and working how we operate into a way makes room for another human.
She's going to be such a great helper.
It also matters to me that I take action on myself and start working with clients. I think if I don't normalize it before the baby comes.. I'll have every excuse in the world to avoid it.
However, if I make it part of who I am now, I can easily take a break when baby arrives and pick it back up when I feel ready. I'm not scared anymore, I know I'm good. It's gotten to the place where it's just a matter of moving through discomfort.
This is my favourite exercise for clearing clutter in the mind. By knowing what we don't want, we know more clearly what we do want. That's what contrast is for - it's why you'll always have problems no matter how much you heal. Don't Want experiences are what launches us into the desires for what we DO WANT - if we allow ourselves to go there. 🙏🏽
"These journal questions are for you, they are meant to get you thinking and bring it to the surface, find your own personal journey with all of this stuff.
It's is not anything you have to share. Obviously, on our discussion call, if you want to share something about it, if anything big came out, anything interesting, you need feedback, whatever you want to share, that's completely up to you. But this is just to introduce you to communication with yourself, and starting that conversation of what is actually going on in there.
So, over the next couple weeks, make sure that you do this at a time that you can really give yourself presence, take time to sit with it and answer these questions honestly. I often surprise myself what comes out, to be honest.
I do find one thing that really helps me with journaling, especially when I'm doing this kind of work where I want to, like, dig into my deeper answer, is journaling with headphones and music.
For something like this I would probably find a frequency playlist, so a chakra healing playlist, or something like that. Some form of a meditation type of music, I would put headphones on, and then I would start, because I find something about that allows my mind to kind of… it's like that judgy sort of part of your mind that is trying to think about it can settle, and you can go into what it is actually trying to say.
I use lyrical music for different types of journaling, but for something like this, I would use no lyric. The point is really just to relax yourself to get into that meditative, hypnotic state that puts you at ease, and you're not really thinking about it. You're just allowing the answer to come out.
You don't judge what you write. I don't care how… how mean it is, how good it is, how bad it is, how… it doesn't really matter. The point is that if it's coming out of you, that means it's in you.
Some part of you is, whether you like it or not, attached to this, holding onto it, feels that way, holds this perspective. Allowing that to come out just gives a totally different perspective, where it puts you in more of a power position. It's one thing to think about it in your head, but when you actually write it out, it's like you're giving your inner self a voice, and then you can actually deal with what's in front of you and work with it.
So, headphones with some meditative-type music frequencies, is really helpful when doing this". 🎵
*The following pages are included in our workbook.
"It's not personality, it's neurobiology."
Even if it was personality -- that's changeable too.
"Joe Dispenza defines personality as the consistent, accumulated pattern of how a person thinks, acts, and feels, which ultimately creates their personal reality. It is essentially a subconscious program or "past self" formed by habitual, automatic responses. To change your life, you must change this personality."
How do you do that?
To create a new Personal Reality you must change your personality. It means thinking new thoughts, taking new actions and developing different habits through intention.
Let's say someone wants to lose weight but they describe themselves as someone who doesn't work out.
They must first adjust their thoughts, adding pleasure to the idea of going to the gym. In the beginning, they may have to push themselves to go, not allowing the old thoughts to get in the way of what they've decided they wanted, which is to become someone who works out.
After a week, the old personality (thoughts, feelings and actions) usually tries again to avoid change. The new personality (thoughts, feelings and actions) must remain in control and do it anyways.
After 21 days of consistently doing what they said they were going to do, go to the gym and work out, it will become natural, automatic and associated with positive emotion.
After 90 days, they will see results in their PERSONAL REALITY and identify with the personality that "I am someone who works out."
You can do this with liittterrrralllllyyyyy any belief.
Just ask yourself, what do I want, and what am I telling myself is stopping me from making it my reality?
How does music influence us?
"AI Overview:
Music profoundly influences people by altering moods, triggering memories, fostering social bonds, and enhancing cognitive performance. It stimulates dopamine, reduces stress, and strengthens emotional resilience, acting as a universal language that bridges cultural divides, aids in therapeutic healing for neurological conditions, and shapes individual identity.
Emotional Regulation: Music evokes strong emotions, lowers anxiety, and can trigger the release of neurotransmitters like dopamine and endorphins, promoting feelings of well-being.
Cognitive and Physiological Impact: It improves memory, increases focus, and reduces physical tension or pain by influencing heart and breathing rates.
Social Connection: Music fosters a sense of community, empathy, and bonding, often through shared experiences like concerts or group singing, which releases oxytocin.
Identity and Behaviour: It helps individuals define their identity and worldview, particularly in adolescence, by influencing preferences in fashion, language, and values."
The hardest part of intentional manifestation is feeling like you already have it.
If I've spent my whole life criticizing myself, thinking thoughts that tell me I'm not smart, pretty, skinny, outgoing, rich, etc, not good enough:
"I can't do that because I'm not smart." "Of course this would happen, it's because I'm ugly." "I'll never look like that, fit that, be that, because I'm too fat." "Other people have an advantage that I don't because I have to pay my bills and work a job I hate while still stuck behind." "They'll never be friends with me because I'm different, anti-social, I never know what to say."
I suck.
I'm the problem.
Life is unfair.
If that's my current personality it's pretty difficult to flip a switch one day and decide
"Actually, I am good enough."
It takes time, repetition and new actions which bring different results than you are used to.
Thing is, "to create it you must feel as if it's already happening"
As in, you have to adopt the thought first, before you will see the proof.
Even when I still feel ugly, I have to feel beautiful.
While the bills are still adding up, I need to feel grateful and abundant.
I still think I'm a loser, yet I have to feel confident to become a winner.
How do we do that?
Let's say within your personal reality you have developed the belief that love does not work out for you. You've been hurt in the past, likely felt that you were in love and it resulted in some form of heart break.
Maybe you've had relationships, connection with someone you are fond of, work well with or just like as a person, but you keep them at a distance. If you are honest with yourself, can you say that you've fully let them in to love and be loved?
It seems to be more normal to have cheated or been cheated on, than to experience a relationship that values loyalty, trust and communication. Meaning the majority of people have been hurt, often learning about the betrayal through surprise. Their reaction is to close themselves.
It's self-protection.
Maybe that happened a long time ago and you want to open yourself to love again. You've come to realize not everyone is the same, you've done your own healing and you are ready to try again. That self-protecting aspect of you is not going to like it. They are going to throw resistance and old stories at you like you are fighting a battle against yourself - it's because they are scared. The part of you that closed off was developed with one job - to keep you from it ever happening again. Letting love in and expressing that to another is the scariest thing you could do because what if it happens again?
Regardless, you've decided to change your personal reality - meaning the results you are getting in life, by adjusting your personality.
This means you will need to adopt new thoughts and feelings that lead to actions which move you in the direction you want to go.
You'll have to dream again.
You have to let yourself begin the process of believing that you can have it.
You'll have to admit to yourself that you want it.
Love is available to you.
Not everyone is the same.
There's someone out there for everyone.
But how do we start this in a soft, easy, gentle way so it's solid in our foundation, before jumping back into the risks of uncertainty?
We need to build the belief that we are lovable, love is available, we are deserving of it and by knowing what we want, forming images of having what we want, we must give ourselves the feeling first.
Imagining ourselves being treated well, taken care of, wanted, needed, desired. See ourselves living an equal give and take relationship with someone we trust who trusts us.
All of this will help your self protector feel safe, take down the guard, and allow you to move forward.
Music to me, is like a personal therapist/ coach.
We're attracted to music we relate to. If you are listening to sad or angry music, it is good for reflection while journalling - you're likely communicating with the self-protecting aspect of yourself. Listen as feedback, refer to songs that you were attracted to during the time of heartbreak and uncover your own story - what were you telling yourself about the situation? What did you decide it meant about you?
You can feel through the emotions while listening to the voice of someone who's gone through something similar - that part of you begins to feel seen, heard and relatable.
Likewise, you can use the same process for songs that make you feel good, bring back positive nostalgia and cause your imagination to dream. Ask yourself what music you're being attracted to and pay attention. Listen while at the gym, on a walk, running, moving your body or creating a vision board, and let the fantasy play out. Cause yourself to feel good while thinking of positive images of who you want to be and experiencing what you want to have.
Then write them down and listen to those songs any time you want to reinforce positive thought.
See yourself doing it now, so when the time comes, it feels natural.
I listened to a lot of Backstreet Boys as a child, spending a major portion of my time dreaming about love and fantasizing over my ideal relationship.
My first concert was Good Charlotte - I had recently moved to a new city and put a lot of focus on fitting in. I ditched BSB for the music my friends liked. I started relating to the lyrics during a time of self doubt and developed a different side to my personality.
Both still exist within me and come to the surface at different times. I don't judge either, allowing both to be seen and heard until I understand where they are coming from. ✍🏽
I believe true self love is when you no longer make yourself wrong, accepting all of who you are, including the parts you've grown to dislike.
Self love is to stop self rejecting.
Motherhood can feel lonely. I always wanted to be married and have a family - but spending my days cleaning up the same mess, constantly behind on laundry, making sure other humans eat with responsibility for the foods they put in their body and living almost all of my existence from inside the home --- is not what I saw for myself.
My mom didn't like cooking and was on us all weekend until the house was cleaned. It gives a message to the child that being taken care of is an inconvenience.
That's why it made me feel so bad about myself when I started giving the same message to my own daughter.
I liked housecleaning as a wife, I could do it once a week and it would stay that way for days. Now everyday is back to square one. Doesn't matter how good of a job I do, families are messy.
It can feel exhausting, stuck in a loop of the same thing and honestly if you're not self-aware resentment can start to build.
Cooking was an enjoyable slow process. I could spend as much time as I wanted in the kitchen, cleaning as I go and taking my time to read through recipe directions. I would often light candles when I set the table and create an enjoyable dining experience.
Kids want your attention all the time. Even when she's playing by herself, she wants to feel seen and a part of my world. This means constant interruptions. It's not bad, it's just a different experience from what life was like before.
It took time to adjust. The old personality fought for the ease of when it was just the two of us, and I'm aware that for the child on the receiving end, it can feel like rejection - because in a lot of ways it is.
It's not about her becoming more independent (although I encourage that too) it's about me, as mom, developing a new personality that matches the personal reality I'm now living, that I created for myself because I wanted it. I needed to find ways to add joy.
Bob Marley is often playing as background music in my kitchen. It distracts my mind with positive thought and feeling while doing the things that need to get done with more ease and balance.
I use music to influence my own frequency and therefore take self-control of how I show up.
Someone from the group opened up that she wants love but is not allowing her mind to go there, envision it for herself, because there's a massive part of her that doesn't think it will happen.
If I don't believe it can happen for me, it feels bad to even think about the things I want because then I just feel the pain of not having them.
I told her to try my playlist and see if it helps.
She got herself on the right track with Macklemore, listening her way out of depression.
I think my style of music can do the same for love. It helped remind me, and I guarantee it's already helping others.
"Mirror, mirror on the wall... what do I want and do I believe it's possible?"
Why or why not?
What can I do to shift that belief?
What kind of music could positively influence my thinking on this subject?
Who does believe in what I want that I can follow?
What am I telling myself is the problem?
Do I really want it?
Am I willing to do what it takes to become a match for it?
Homework assignment:
Initiate the relationship with yourself. ✍🏽
Every morning write (pen and paper) five things you are grateful for.
Every evening write (pen and paper) one thing that went well for you, worked in your favour or made you feel good - describe it in as much detail as possible.
Practice this for 21 days to install the habit.
Keep going for 90 and it will become who you are.
You are enough.
It is available for you.
You are not different, you are unique,
special and exactly the way you are supposed to be.
Find the thing that makes you stand out - what are you good at?
Follow your heart's desire - don't compare or try to be like others.
You will be so much happier when you make it your own.
Don't strive to make other people proud, accepting of you or pleased.
Make yourself proud.
Accept yourself, as who you are.
And please yourself, it's much more satisfying.
🙏🏽
My book is available here. ❤
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