Spread a Little Sparkle ❤︎⁠



  Life has a miraculous ability of sending us the right people at the perfect time. That is exactly what happened when I met singer and author, Kristal Barrett-Stuart.

  We met at a speaking event (that I almost bailed on) promoting her book, The Sparkle Project BC.

  When the event was over, a crowd rushed to Kristal telling her how inspiring she was and asking to buy her book. I waited back until the crowd subsided and Kristal was able to take a breath. Knowing I would now have her undivided attention, I got up from my seat and approached her.

  She's one of those people who walks into a room and her presence is felt. It's like a light beams out of her head and radiates around her. Everyone just feels a little better in her presence. I told her that her mission aligned with mine and asked if there was anything I could do to help.

  She told me she didn't know what I could do at the time, but that she would keep me in mind. We exchanged information and parted ways.

  A couple weeks later, Kristal was asked to speak at a Women's Networking Event and invited me to join her. I quickly said yes, excited for another opportunity to watch her in action. She told me the time and location, arranging to meet. Immediately after hanging up the phone, butterflies rose in my tummy and I thought, what have I done.

  I felt threatened by other women and didn't know how I would walk into a room full of them, alone. Thoughts raced through my mind, wondering what am I going to talk to people about? And don't even get me started on anxiety over where I would sit.

  She was obviously a woman who drew attention, so I knew she wouldn't be holding my hand while I tried to blend in. I would be on my own and it felt terrifying.

  The thought of cancelling came across my mind often and the closer the day got, the more appealing it sounded. Luckily, I had been working on my inner dialogue, so I was able to intervene and convince myself to do it anyways. The fear never went away, in fact, the day of it was all I could think about. Right up until I drove into the parking lot.

  Before getting out of the car, I gave myself a pep talk, took a couple breaths and assured myself that I would be fine. Stepping through doors into a room full of beautiful women with gorgeous outfits and stunning heels, the vibe was much different than anything I'd experienced with girls before. It was, inclusive.

  Walking into the room,  noticed immediately that all the women were smiling, approaching each other with open arms, asking questions and actively listening to her answer. It wasn't long before the host introduced herself, welcoming me in. Several women asked about myself and I felt at ease with each one. I had this overwhelming feeling that I belonged.

  We took our seats as the speeches were about to begin. There were six speakers who each shared a heart warming, funny and deeply inspiring story. The room filled with laughter, connectedness and a sense that we all understood each other. Not an ounce of judgment was to be felt anywhere in the building.

  Before leaving, gathering all of my courage, I asked Kristal if she would be my mentor. She was flattered, said yes, and asked if I wanted to help with her launch party. I was exhilarated, honoured and swept up in the knowing, this is where I wanted to belong.

. . .

  The launch was a couple weeks away and I was both thrilled and petrified. The event was taking place at a fancy high-end hotel in downtown Vancouver. The successful women she interviewed in her book would be there, as well as various media outlets. I had never experienced anything like it and was assigned the honour of managing the guest list. I viewed it as an opportunity to be face to face with successful women. I read her book another time and made notes of the stories which stood out most to me, who I intended to have conversations with. I challenged myself to ask them out  for coffee so I could learn from them. It felt scary, but what did I have to lose?

  As I reflect back, the initial response I had to this new world was the belonging I felt. I wanted to be around these inspirational women who encouraged each other and made one another feel safe. However, unknowingly at the time, another part of me saw a big scale popularity contest. I managed to get in with the popular girls in high school, could I find a way to fit in with the successful women too?

  Old stories die hard, if we don't take the time to really heal ourselves, they play on the background and discreetly swoop in at any chance they get. I had been focusing on body image and was doing good at keeping it in check, progressing towards self-acceptance. At the time though, I hadn't quite found the intentions and beliefs behind the body insecurity. I was still creating a dream life in my mind, seeking approval and believing that if life was perfect, I would be safe.

  I've learned that every experience has an opposite and we choose which side we line up with. To belong and to fit in are opposite experiences of the same thing.  We must be aware of our inner stories so we can know which intention is behind the scenes running the show.

To belong is in line with our need to seek connection.
To fit in is in line with our fear of rejection.

  They sound similar, but the motivation behind each is vastly different and will result in opposite experiences.

  The event was beyond anything I'd imagined; classy, glamorous, fashion was on point and the women were kind. Kristal was outstanding and I felt incredibly thankful to be along for the ride. I spoke to all the women on my list and a couple even said yes to coffee! Continuing to help Kristal any chance I could, I attended several future events and award ceremonies with her, building a deeply bonded friendship I will cherish forever.  

. . .

  I was on this wave for almost a year, loving the networking events and attending as many as I could. I just wanted to be in the presence of these amazing women who helped me believe in myself. I took a course which introduced me into a whole new perception of life, leading to even deeper self discovery. Recognizing for the first time how uncomfortable I was with the term God, I began seeking my own belief and concept of who and what I think it is.

I was raised in a home where a higher power was not something we talked about. There was nothing against it, it just wasn't part of our lives. Overtime, I grew more of a yearning to discover my own beliefs in this area.
. . .

  The  buzz eventually fizzled as my time of learning to be a Life Coach was coming to an end. I was feeling the pressure to start walking the talk. The more I thought about taking on clients, the stronger the imposter syndrome got. It didn't take long before the old stories were back, convincing myself I wasn't good enough. As quickly as I talked myself into it, I talked myself right back out.

  Around this time I was engaged and planning a wedding, assuring myself that our wedding should take priority. I put my Life Coaching dreams to the side and stopped going to networking events because I told myself I no longer fit in. After we got married I focused on having a baby and struggled through infertility.

  New goal, repeated results.
___

  So what happened? How did I go from the high life, to back where I started?  

  Not only that, I learned so much new information. I'd filled my mind with knowledge about success and experienced a new world with the law of attraction. I was telling myself new stories about what life could be. How could I have so much growth yet still not believe in myself?  

  No time was wasted, we cannot go backwards even if we tried. Meeting my mentor opened my eyes to a life I wanted to create, a door that could not be closed. Once you discover there's another way, that a higher experience is out there, you can't un-see it.

  I believe, sometimes we are shown a glimpse into our potential. We get a taste of the self we desire to be and the life that will bring us the pleasure, impact and belonging our soul craves. Sometimes, before we are ready. I think life shows us on purpose so the we know what we are striving for. If I had never seen that world, I wouldn't have the fire within  that pushes me towards it. I just needed to do some healing first, so I could line up with the heart centred intentions.  

  I believe we each have a special gift inside that is meant to come out, and no matter how you try to fill it, nothing can take its place. Writing is that thing for me. It doesn't mean I'm the best at it, it means it brings me happiness that feels deeply purposeful and fulfilling. It's just that, sometimes before we're ready to fully see our gift, we have to go backwards and do some inner decluttering.